I know toddlers walk around with bumps and bruises, I know that they get into things they shouldn't and accidents happen; but seriously this week AJ is trying to make my hair turn gray!
AJ is crazy about doors lately, so every morning I have to go through the house and close every single door so she doesn't pinch her fingers. Saturday morning Randy left for work and AJ was helping me fold laundry, I went into the bedroom to hang some clothes up and of course my little shadow followed me in and then wanted to play "slam the door in moms face." So I pulled her out of the room and went to close the door; little did I know my little bug was trying to sneak in on the other side of me. I closed the door and she started screaming; she had stuck her little pinkie in the door jam right as I was closing the door. Her finger looked HORRIBLE the tip was miss shaped and her entire finger was purple and blue. We were both hysterical when I got a hold of Randy. Randy rushed home while I called my sister in law Meg- who has a medical background- to get her opinion on taking AJ to the instacare. She agreed with me that the finger should be looked at. We got X-ray's done and the Dr said that everything looked just fine, she had a badly bruised bone but besides losing her finger nail she would be fine. PHEW! first major medical freak out over let's never let that happen again!
OH WAIT! the next couple of days AJ was running into walls, falling flat on her face, and even tried to take herself out with the dishwasher door. I have been on edge, but it was all minor stuff.
But then today happened. AJ and I were over at my mom's helping her cook dinner. AJ loves to be in the kitchen and if someone is standing at the stove she has to know whats going on up there. This was the case today so while my mom carmalized onions I decided to sit on a stool near by so AJ could see all the action. I had just put a pot on the back burner to simmer when AJ with her long arms reached out and hit the front burner with her palm, I reacted instantly and grabbed her hand as fast as I could, thinking at least it was okay because that burner was off. Well apparently I turned the wrong burner on and AJ's little palm hit a hot burner! The next hour was pure hell as I tried to calm her down and take care of her burned hand. She was hysterical to say the least. Thank Heavens for Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, watching Mickey was the only way I could get AJ to stop crying. By the time Randy got there she was calm and not worked up over her hand. The burn is not bad, no blistering or anything, just in a sore spot that is overly used by my little bug. We bought burn cream and bandages, I know she will be just fine; but the guilt of what has happened over the last four days is monumental to say the least.
I know that accidents happen, and that really the things that have happened were not my fault. But I cant help playing the blame game with myself: I should have picked her up before closing the door on Saturday, I should have just let her cry today instead of picking her up and sitting close to the stove. I should have double checked what burner I turned on....the list is endless. I'm sure there are some of you who will read this post and think, "wow she really is a bad mom, I would never do that." and I hope you never have to go through what I have in the last couple of days because watching your baby cry, knowing its because of you or something you didn't do to keep them safe is the worst thing in the world. Please don't judge me too hard, I'm doing a good enough job of it all on my own.
Being a mom is tough, the best thing in the world, but tough none the less. I am so grateful for my baby girl, she really does mean the world to me and I thank my lucky stars that even though I am the cause of all her many tears in the end she wants me to hold her and make things better.
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